In this modern world, everyone is vying for making their lives interesting and pleasurable with great experiences that help them learn how to live a good life. These countless attempts are being made everyday by us, hoping for great fun and enthusiasm. However, these efforts seem preposterous when the agonies, regrets and resentments we carry in our heart, thwart our plans to enjoy our lives well. In this quest for happiness and tranquility in life, we intentionally don’t make any plan to abandon these grudges, and bad experiences that made us squirm and we are still under their control.
Whenever we accidentally land in a situation which reminds us of those bitter memories that caused us suffering, be it emotional or mental or physical, we tremble like we are still manacled with trauma that occurred years ago. Ever thought why it happens? We are taught that time heals every wound, then why those wounds still hold the power to make us experience the same suffering we went through years ago. Does time really heal?
It’s believed that agonies we bury within us, manufacture new pain repeatedly as we don’t give any heed towards mending them because we think these agonies have died down and mistake our ignorance to be healing. Healing is just a figment if there is no acceptance.
In Mahabharata, the cruel mentality had orchestrated terror on Draupadi and coerced her to experience the most heinous crime in the king’s court which extremely traumatized her and led her to be the primary reason for the decline of the Kauravas. She was hatefully denigrated and affronted in front of the great warriors and saints. All the valor of warriors, wisdom and discipline of Gurus was useless in front of the ignorance of vile Duryodhan. Although Madhav ( Shri Krishna) saved her modesty, yet her wounds were deep enough to sabotage her soul everyday, the fire of anger was intense enough to burn her heart everyday. As the Cheer Haran caused her a kind of undying agony and pain which generally demands revenge.
Her grudges and trauma snuffed out her wisdom, as it was too painful for her to ponder the outcome of her anger emanated from humiliation. However, this fire of anger was not affecting the wrongdoers but herself. Writhing in pain, she wanted to destroy everything. That’s when Krishna had enlightened a sulking Draupadi. Her reasons to deplore were pertinent, but her ardent desire for revenge was certainly detrimental for her. Which is why Krishna advised her to forgive the Kauravas and witness their destruction. Her agonies made her consider this advice absurd about her humiliation. She retorted and explained how she can even think of forgiving those who insulted her and attempted wickedly to undress her. Krishna calmed her with sheer empathy and illumined a path of forgiveness for her to sabotage the kauravas. She was taught the difference between justice and revenge and asked to abandon all the pain, resentments and grief.
Like her, we too tend to find it difficult to desert our misery as a desire of revenge secretly resides within us which routinely demands us to feel necessary hatred towards those who intentionally or unintentionally hurt us. Forgiveness seems to be so heavy oftentimes. At this phase of time, where modernity is severely bewildering people about healing and pain, a defected sense of shame about talking about emotional health is manufactured by people which terrifies those who look for the answer of their unnecessary pain for the mistakes they made and experiences they got years ago.
Why does it too painful sometimes to accept some harsh truth? For example- what happened with Draupadi, was utterly inhumane and shameful. But it hardly injected shame in those wrongdoers. They might have experienced debacle in battlefield, sorrow of losing their loved ones as well. Undoubtedly, none of them felt ashamed in the battlefield for mistreating a woman, misusing the power. Instead, it hurt her every moment. Likewise, those who have given us reasons to cry, sob, lament and hate, are unaware of the pain we experience everyday when we adversely fail to forgive them. We yearn for healing without embracing forgiveness and abandoning grudges and their effects of hate.
The question pops up when we think of forgiving someone, why forgiveness is important? It is apparently important because it is absolutely not for someone else, it’s solely about us. It frees us from a sense of a victim, it ends hate towards them, it unchains us from their manacles of inhumanity, and misbehavior. Any kind of pain caused by attachment, insult and betrayal is powerful to make one squirm and grieve as much as one allows it to affect him. Initially, it provokes us to demand revenge, but eventually this anger diminishes like it happened in Kurukshetra.
The moment she waited for, finally came when Bheem thumped Dhushashan on the ground and brutally ripped his chest for the crime he committed. She wanted him to be punished proportionally for her insult, and when he was getting what he deserved, she cried. All the pain, resentments, and hatred for him dissipated in a jiffy. No iota of revenge was anywhere to be seen in her eyes. As she sort of abandoned her grief and grudges after being consoled and enlightened by Shri Krishna. And she fought for justice she deserved.
We also carry such sorrows and trauma on our shoulders for years, thinking we have buried them in oblivion, unaware of their effects on our lives time to time. We ascribe our suffering to someone’s old actions, we revive the pain of old wounds daily, we blame others for these wounds that refuse to heal. We deliberately victimize ourselves and injure us everyday for their actions who hardly know what they have caused us. Envy, hatred and anger are really dangerous for one who doesn’t acknowledge the causes and denies to accept the reality, but gladly crawls on those sharp shards of resentments and sulk, remembering the past and its haunting experiences.
To deal with such experiences, one must attentively read Gita to know how Forgiveness mollifies our quivering hearts and shows a path to a realm of happiness and peace. Healing blooms when we give away those painful feelings of being victim in our own story, and blame someone else who doesn’t care about our misery. The beautiful thing about forgiveness is, it is embraced by one, but it frees two people from each other. And forgiving someone doesn’t demand forgetting what others did to you, but rather it teaches us to learn the lesson and move forward without lifting unnecessary burden of someone’s hurtful actions. In order to live a happy life, one is supposed to cleanse all the grudges, agony and pain from one’s heart, and prepare oneself for new adventures of this life. We must not shoulder things which weigh us down and make us sulk for the things that have gone away, and prevent us from accepting the new ones and live happily.