I cannot start to tell you how many times in 2020 I heard the below comments:
- “Look at me! I can’t date until I lose weight. I will attract no one to me the way I am!” or
- “I’m no longer a spring chicken, who would want to date me?” or
- “I got laid off, and I’m looking for a new job. No one wants to date a loser!” or
- “I have a dog, he keeps me company. I don’t have to try and impress him. I get unconditional love!” or
- “I won’t go more than 10-15 miles from my house. If it’s not in my backyard or convenient, I won’t go.” Or the best of all,
- “I don’t want to go if there are not the same number of women as men.” Or last but not least,
- “I’m happy with my life just as it is. I’ve learned to live without a guy/gal. I don’t need anybody!”
Have you been liable for saying or thinking something like this to your colleague, friend, or family member?
These are only a few of the many examples of self-imposed roadblocks or limiting beliefs that stop you dead in your tracks and hold you back from moving one inch forward in the dating world! They are self-inflicted, damaging, and often hurtful.
Self-limiting beliefs come in the form of a rationalization that attempts to use a fact about one part of your life with an excuse to prevent you from embracing life. The rationalization convinces you that your life is just fine the way it is, even though you know it is not from an objective viewpoint and others do too! It’s no secret. Self-limiting beliefs reject you before anybody ever has the opportunity to say, “No, thank you, I’m not interested.” You deny yourself and put yourself in a downward spiral. And the fact is that people who hear your statement know this limits you but never challenge you to do better, change your attitude, and embrace a new you!
Let’s look at the first statement as an example of a limiting belief, “Look at me! I can’t date until I lose weight. No one will be attracted to me the way I am.” In this instance, the man may, in fact, be overweight – a few pounds or many pounds. Either way, I venture to say that he’s not the only one on the dating scene that would like to shed a few pounds or look more attractive. And suppose you take it even a step further. In that case, no one is perfect, not evenly distributed, not precisely symmetrical, not DNA exquisite, not even the models on covers of magazines the marketing world holds up as role models for us mere mortals! And if ‘size does matter, then seek out the singles organizations and groups specifically to gather singles of size together. No matter what, take pride in who you are! Stand tall with confidence and assurance.