How Secrets and Lies Destroy Relationships

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Photo by cottonbro on

Trust is a lot more fragile than many can think. Lies and secrets can break trust and totally damage our relationships and can even lead to irretrievably destroyed unions. The fact is that we all tell varying levels of lies like saying we are good when we are crushed on the inside. But the thing with romantic relationships is that you need to be always emotionally honest so that your partner has a particularly good idea of who you are. 

It is also good to define honesty properly because not everyone comprehends what the concept is. Not lying is not all that is to honesty as it involves a lot more than that. Deception can also come in other forms like coming up with unclear statements, telling truths mixed with lies, manipulating details using hyperbole, emphasis, minimization, or even deflecting important details. The same goes for withholding information which the other person should have known. If there is an important detail that your partner should know of, it is good that you let him or her know. Depriving the other party of the necessary information can lead to more serious problems later. Let the person have the full details and make their decision. 

Even though we can even think we are very honest and truthful, not everyone one of us show our negative feelings and thoughts about others that we are in a relationship. You need to be bold and courageous before you can be totally honest. This is because being honest and very genuine means you are making yourself to be vulnerable. 

Many of the individuals who lie are concerned about the risks associated with being honest but do not think much about the risks that are linked to dishonesty. Secrets and lies can damage relationships in several ways and here are some of them:

  1. Lies and secrets can decrease the level of real intimacy that you can share with your partner. This is because intimacy is dependent on genuineness and trust which is the ability to remain vulnerable emotionally to your partner. 
  2. Lies and secrets end up covering up lies and even omissions which might not be easy to recollect. These pile up with time and when the truth is out, the results will even be more painful than the initial revelation. The longer it takes for you to say the truth, the higher the chances of ending in a serious complication. This is because everything that you had said earlier would automatically be called into question and integrity will be lost. Your partner will see you as a betrayer and will find it extremely difficult to trust.
  3. There will be this sense of guilt that will affect the periods of intimacy shared with the person deceived. This creates serious tension between both parties and can trigger all kinds of arguments that are inimical to the relationship. 
  4. Honesty is widely taken to be an especially important attribute in different cultures of the world and the same applies to corporate settings and relationships. Telling lies goes against most, if not, all social norms and traditions. 
  5. Our self-concept and sense of self-value plummets if we lie as the guilt will always lurk beneath. Deception can damage your self-esteem over time and this perception has its effect on your relationship too. Guilt can be changed but once it is over time it is going to have irredeemable damage on the person’s attitude and behavior. Considering all these factors above, it becomes apparent that there is practically nothing to gain with lies and secrets in a relationship. It is always good to open to your partner.

Now You Know

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