How to lead someone out of negative mindset?

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Tim is a good friend of mine, and he was cribbing numerous times about his best friend’s situation. Mike is a nice enough guy. He’s honest, hardworking, and a great father. His only defect is that he is highly negative. After a two-minute conversation with him, you feel like you’ve been hit by a bus. He has the knack of draining up your energy due to his negativity.

It’s striking how Mike’s life has really turned out. He has enjoyed several entrepreneurship ventures as a founder and CEO. However, none of them have been thriving. He regularly gets sick, and so do his three kids. He’s been married twice and is almost ready to try his hands on another marriage again. What he doesn’t understand is that the problem is with him and that it doesn’t matter how many times he ties the knot; his attitude will follow him and proceed to create challenges in his career until he changes his approach.

Mike blames all his miseries on everyone and everything else except himself. He also has a couple of toxic friends he loves being around, which doesn’t help him whatsoever as they all console. As the saying goes, ‘misery loves company.’

Mike has never focused on himself or spent time developing himself, and when you bring that up with him, he constantly mocks at the idea that he doesn’t need it.

Tim has tried to get Mike to see the light and focus on himself, yet he rejects listening to anything. As I’ve often said to Tim, you cannot change Mike, yet you can change your behavior.

Instead of listening to him groan and moan about how hard life is, maybe it was time he told him the truth and present some solutions to him at the same time. If he still takes no action, then it’d be best to spend as little time as feasible around him; otherwise, he will continue to be affected by his terrible attitude.

Here is how you can change a negative friend:

  1. Detach. Remember that the way individuals act has nothing to do with you. So, detach yourself from the responsibility of listening to their moans and groans everyday
  2. Don’t Blame, but don’t give them leeway. Could you not assume, blame, or attack them? However, try changing their mindset by giving them healthy options. 
  3. Respond Calmly. Reply the way you would want them to talk to you without any prejudice.
  4. Be Firm. Be firm with your boundaries, don’t let them fill you up with negativity. 
  5. Find The Positive. Know what gives you positive energy, and try helping them find their positive vibes.

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