What is happiness? And who is to say what is happy for one person – is happy for another? I have spent my entire life searching for happiness in all the wrong places. I always thought I’d be happy when I had a laundry list of things, including a home, a husband, a family, etc.
The problem is when you make happiness unattainable. How are you supposed to find it? And, if you do find it, will you even recognize it when you have it?
I achieved all the things that I thought would make me happy on my quest for happiness, but I was further away from the “happiness” than I ever had been. So now what? Where do you go from getting it entirely backward to finding that elusive thing called happiness?
I believe happiness comes from being true to you. No one can make you happy, no matter how hard they try. Sure they can create magic moments and show you glimpses of happiness, but it doesn’t last. And, how could it be anyone else’s responsibility to make you happy?
Being happy comes from inside you. Happiness is a feeling, it is a state of being, and it’s what you tell yourself every day. If you tell yourself that you are happy, eventually, you will train yourself to feel that daily. And, if you tell yourself your not, that no one can ever keep you happy, that life is unfair, then you know what – you are right. Whatever you perceive, you are right. It’s where you live your life in your head is what is your reality.
If you give up parts of yourself for another, that’s not how you gain happiness. You can’t turn yourself inside out and upside down to the point that you lose vision of what’s genuinely meaningful to you and who you are. Reinventing yourself or losing yourself in the name of happiness for another doesn’t lead you to the path of joy for either of you.
Happiness only occurs when you ultimately figure out who you are, what you want, what you stand for, and accept that. You don’t make justifications for who you are; you work on being the healthiest you, you can be. It’s your job to understand what brings a smile to your face like a pedicure and manicure, a great cup of Starbucks mocha, a phone call with a younger friend, a Netflix sci-fi tv series, a day hiking the mountains, writing in a journal are all examples of things that make me happy. The thing is I always had a disconnect, and I never realized that that is happy and that I am happy.
I always thought that being happy was related to being in a committed relationship with that particular person. I had compared happiness to another, and the truth is, that’s not fair. How could anyone know what happiness means to me when I didn’t even know? The answer is he couldn’t, and it’s not his job. It’s mine. He is responsible for tipping the scales and making me “er” happier, but he is not responsible for making me happy. He is the icing on the cake, but he can’t be the cake. Is he my icing on the caking right now? Absolutely not. I got cheated in a relationship, HA! Anyways, back to the article.
Finding out what makes you happy and enjoying your life, and living your life in a better headspace makes a world of difference. And be grateful for the special people in your life and appreciate them and realize your role in their life is to be the “er” to them, never the happy.