Dealing with tough times in marriage


The possibility that you are reading this piece is because you are undergoing problems in your marriage, and your husband is either about to leave or has already left. Whatever the circumstances, don’t lose hope just yet. Every marriage has a mountain, valley, and plain that should be confronted. In fact, successfully going through struggles make marriages stronger. Here are some ways that you can keep hope alive during desperate times in your marriage:

  1. As long as there is one individual in the marriage who wants it to work out, then hopes of the union working are kept alive. Many marriage partners have reconsidered leaving because their partners were prepared to try and make things work out. What normally leads to this scenario is that both parties in the marriage have invested quite a lot in it (particularly if the marriage has been there for decades). Thus, just walking out of the door will not be a simple option.
  2. Be careful about what you say. In many marriages in crisis, we realize that people are compelled to say things they don’t really mean. This is particularly so when tempers are flaring, and discussions are being thrown from one corner to another. Just be mindful of what you say. If your spouse says something terrible, try your best not to take it personally. It could be the heat of the moment that makes them do so. Taking out the anger on each other will only make everything graver. Take time out and carefully think before you talk to them.
  3. Your response to the whole circumstances matters a great deal. If your spouse needs time and space, do precisely that. Emotional distress cannot be dealt with in a few days or even weeks. Let them take their time off to come to terms with what really happened in the last relationship, and with time, they will have to communicate with you. Never ask for quick answers and neither should you present desperation. Space and time are important in such situations.
  4. Don’t expect too much from your partner during this period. Since you disagree, some of the expectations you had about your husband/wife will have to be reconsidered and may be modified. Sacrifices have to be made. Just don’t sacrifice your self-worth during this time.
  5. Cultivate Intimacy again. Normally, every relationship has a calendar; love has its own natural winter and summer. But it’s almost a guarantee that most alliances will experience dry spells amid hard times. Challenging situations are very exhausting, and that can consume all your energy before you’re able to give your marriage the care it needs. If you see things falling apart, and lack of ‘togetherness’ is one reason, try and revisit things you guys have in common. Recollect good memories together, cuddle and laugh and try and invest in activities or interests that excite your partner. 

Problems in your life can stab your entire marriage to death. While each situation must be approached and assessed in its own unique way, an evergreen tip is to remember that you guys are on the same team; you aren’t enemies.

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