Your daughter has announced she is expecting a baby. It is your first-ever grandchild. You are elated. Fantastic, congratulations, but before you get carried away, you have to realize it’s her baby. If you think of buying a larger house, quitting your job, you may need to first check with her. She may be excited to have you at her side every moment. She may think you are the best mom in the world, and she is expecting you to be the best grandmother. That is where the dilemma lies. You have to learn how to be a good grandmother, not a mother again. She needs to know to be a mother, too.
You have to learn to take a step back and let her make her own decisions about how her baby is raised. Don’t fret too much, though, because you have been a great mother, and your daughter will probably grow her kid much the same as you raised her. Allow her to experiment a little, and you will both understand your method is best. Now is the time for you to be helpful but not interfering. Let your child know you love her and trust her, and she’ll make you really proud.
Your daughter will absolutely love a little advice and help ever now and then, but if you begin taking over, or if you pick at everything or criticize, she will start to feel like a loser. She will feel she has to be supermum with a spotless house, perfect baby, and perfect husband. If you are just with yourself, you will recognize that it is difficult to have everything best all the time. And why should you or your child feel that supermum is important? The most crucial thing is to enjoy every cherished moment with the new baby. Therefore, if requested, you can offer a little help, otherwise just enjoy time with the new grandchild and your daughter, of course.
If you feel the other grandmother is being extremely pushy, wait for a little while before saying anything. Give your child a chance to work it out herself. There is a great chance the other grandmother is feeling much the same as you. It’s tough stepping back and letting someone not that experienced raise your grandchild. Trust your daughter to work things herself, and when she needs your help, she will indeed ask. Just make sure she knows you’ll be there whenever she needs you.
The best part about being the grandmom is you never have to be the bad cop. It’s a grandmother’s job to love her grandchild. Leave all the work, discipline, and development to the parents. You’ve done your part to raise excellent parents, now enjoy being the loving grandparent. Just remember, like beauty, perfection is in the eye of the beholder.
Here are a few other quick tips:
- Spend Time with Your New Grandchild.
- Don’t be obsessive.
- Teach them new things gradually.
- You are a grandmother, not a mother and you should always remember that.
- Always stay available for the milestones.
- Don’t scold your daughter if she makes a mistake while raising the baby. Teach, don’t dominate.
Give your grandchild hugs and kisses, play with their hair, put your arm around them, or just give them your special innocent touch to show them that you care.
This article is dedicated to my granny Mary Austin.
