I know you think love being blind is some overrated cliche. ‘Love is blind’ seems good to be a cheesy quote from the 80s. However, neuroscience unveils with almost grim satisfaction that some areas of our minds close down when love arrives, separating the ration from the smart decisions we should take.
Brain scans of the madly in love individuals are remarkably similar to the scans of the brains of people addicted to cocaine. There you have it – love is identical to a hard drug. In a way, we are all crazy drug dealers – the drug of preference being love and other emotional enhancers.
Love could be an excellent thing to happen if we don’t fall in love with the incorrect person. If that person is a narcissist, your trial will cross heights worth of better causes. Either way, you need to know how to cope with this situation.
According to the APA (American Psychological Association), people with a narcissistic personality disorder display a pervasive and chronic pattern of grandiosity, lack of empathy, and need for admiration.
Narcissists have a flamboyant sense of obsession and self-importance like they would have a special mission on this planet, and they often have a ‘god style’ kind of personality. In contrast, all the others should behave as obedient servants of their wishes.
They always exaggerate their talents, doing everything to gain the world’s recognition and attention. On many occasions, they are arrogant and self-absorbed to fulfil their unique destiny.
A narcissist will indulge in illusions of tremendous success, power, or beauty, being addicted to the admiration and attention that others manifest. You will find arrogance in them that they do not deny but are rather proud of.
They see themselves as unique masterpieces – God himself received his Ph.D. by building them. Their complications go beyond the regular complex people we meet in life and they find it hard to sympathize with others.
They can’t go out of their own personality perimeter and do not understand how individuals don’t think the same way as them. That’s why you may feel you are talking to a wall most of the times because no matter how long you explain your point of view, a narcissist will most likely not recognize it.
Most of the time, they can’t sustain long relationships because people around them give up on manifesting themselves repeatedly. Narcissist mold their partners into beggars – you will beg for recognition and some genuine attention and most of the time, you will cherish only leftovers from the meal the narcissist enjoyed.
Detecting and Loving a Narcissist?
- Be aware of individuals who promote and praise themselves too much. They will forever want to be in the midst of attention. Being in search of admiration and constant approval, they will take over “the stage” and absorb the action and discussion. They want to be the lead in everyone’s movie.
- Narcissist individuals lack empathy toward other people’s needs. They can’t provide attention to other individuals because they are in constant need of that attention. Everyone is a labourer and slave to fulfil their demands. Narcissists want all the love, all the care, all the territories for themselves – they will be envious of other people’s achievements and find it hard to recognize their success.
- They cannot digest criticism – it appeals to their childhood memories, and will reject it with all their energy. If you ask the leze-majesty to speak something they don’t like, they will feel hurt and unloved besides denying it.
It takes time to recognize all these character traits as many are under the camouflage of being hot and good-looking, highly successful people, which will always be attractive and fascinating. They can be exciting personalities but very tough to handle, almost impossible.
The sad news is that you cannot change them. Read again: a narcissist cannot be changed! Since they refuse any form of criticism, even the useful one, they cannot understand any wrongdoing and gratify in their self proclaimed image of awesomeness. Many of them will have wet dreams of being god-like and will be blind to any mistake they will make.
How to cope with narcissistic partners?
Since they cannot be transformed, you need to reevaluate your long term goals and needs for a relationship – it may be appealing for a while to be around such people. Still, it gets exhausting in the long run, and resentment and anger will overshadow any feelings of tenderness and love.
- Do not give in to their unending demands; keep your space from this kind of person – if in any manner, you depend on them, they will extort you to make you give in to their desires.
- Don’t let yourself be provoked by their lack of understanding or empathy – they are not capable of it.
- Finally, know when enough is enough. A loving relationship with a narcissist can take you places where you wouldn’t want to enter, can make you behave in ways you do not understand yourself. It can ruin your self-esteem and rob you of the attention you need to give yourself to meet all their needs.
Stand up for yourself, please do not give up on your needs, and do not accept all their explanations – their constant demand for approval and admiration will make them carelessly flirt with many from the opposite sex or perhaps cheat (Oh Ron) to reaffirm their mastery of seduction.
Although they have a special aura and charisma – probably the extreme feeling of self-confidence will be their most fascinating treat – they come with a lot of work. Hold on or as long as you feel that what keeps you together is more than what drives you apart, but know when to leave as for the moment, no treatment is available – besides brain surgery. Guess not, since they weigh themselves so perfectly.
Let them design wearing the shoes of an artist or achieve the success they want while you move on and fulfil your human and emotional needs. Love stories can be elegant without drama and self-proclaimed gods and kings around you.