People tend to blame others when they are sad about something. It doesn’t matter that they are accountable for making their own decisions; they still want to push the blame off on someone else. It’s a juvenile trait that lingers for life if not abolished with logical thinking and some thick inner-self work. Blame is an unusually nasty action because it is so deceptive in its effect on others.
Continuing to blame someone else for our own faults or hare-brained notions causes a broad wounding to that other person. “This is YOUR fault!” constitutes an urgent stab of anger, worthlessness, and guilt, and a severe resentment of the ego of the one being accused. After a while, one who is continuously criticized in such a way starts to believe that they really are insignificant, no-good, and worthless. It’s a form of brainwashing used by abusers and is used to restrain the person being berated.
If you want to lead a better and not ‘bitter’ life, such manipulative action needs to be stopped as soon as possible.
Still, many people I know try to ‘normalise this behavior’, blaming it on ‘I have been raised this way.’
It is NOT normal, although most people engage in such disturbing behavior. The fact is, as long as we accuse others for our own bad choices, it is impossible to find the reality within ourselves. It is only by rational thinking and careful observation that we start letting the truth out.
So how does one learn to stop the blame process?
Observation is the first step:
- Watch how often you blame others and what your model of blame happens to be.
- Determine if they really deserve to be criticized for what they have done/not done.
- Think it out: what could have been done differently or communicated better to work out a solution.
Lastly, apologize for whatever absurd tirade you might have thrown at them and tell them the truth about how you feel about them and what transpired. Include an accounting of your own responsibility as you do this. Suggest better ways to manage any such problems in the future.
Blame, impatience, and anger can be stopped; it’s all up to each of us.
All we have to do is open our eyes and be realistic with ourselves and others. We all screw up, sometimes daily and sometimes several times within a day. Get over it; none of us is complete. When we deal with ourselves and others fairly, almost anything can be nicely fixed. Take the sentiments out of the situation and really examine it. Find out all the facts before indiscriminately assigning blame. Determine that YOU will do better yourself, no matter what anyone else wants to do.
How we live our days is a choice. We can decide to live angry, beset upon and wounded, or rational, cooperative, and happy. The decision is and always has been our own. By choosing to improve our own communication skills and interact more rationally with others, we elevate our spirits as well.
So leaders, what’s it going to be-win/win or lose/lose?