When I look back now, I see how much hurt and pain I experienced and why I always wish our paths never crossed. I desire that all the time, energy, and love I gave to you can be taken back. It is like a stab to my heart to even think of you, and I ask myself why I did everything for someone who never appreciated my efforts for once.
I still think about those times, and I always blame myself, sometimes I hate myself, and I feel even guilty. I asked myself a thousand questions in search of answers. I wanted to know what I did to you, I wanted to know why you hated me so much, and if there was anything else I could have done to secure your love.
But the good thing is that all these feelings belong to the past and are bygone chapters of my life. I have now evolved to become someone in love with myself. I have come to realize that the greatest kind of happiness is the one that comes from within. The bitter experience that I had with you eventually ended up being a true blessing in disguise. This is because it has opened my eyes to so many things. Things that I never knew existed and possibilities that I never even knew I was capable of.
I have evolved to a stage where the insecurities are no longer there and I feel more alive than ever before. For the first time in my life, I feel alive, truly, and deeply happy. I feel like a massive load has been lifted off my chest.
During my phase of evolution, I was able to take the time to think about what we shared and all the memories. Some periods were so painful for me and I wept while remembering the hurtful memories – oh how poorly you treated me. Everything was lodged in my memory. Even when people attacked me for loving you, you were never there to lift a finger in my defence. I don’t remember you saying anything to make me feel good, not even for once.
All the words that you managed to utter were nothing but laced with deceit and mischief. But because I was foolish and in love, I trusted you and I believed you, I had hope and faith in you, but you threw it all away. Deep down, I knew nothing was wrong with me and I knew that I was more than enough for your love. I was only allowing myself to be consumed in melancholy over someone who was not even worth it at all. It was all because of insecurities and my naïve nature at the time.
I am human, and I do think about some of those things in the past but I realize now that the phase belongs to my past. I now know what I am made of and what my real value and worth are. I do not have sleepless nights anymore and I have come to see you for exactly who you are. I have become free because I have come to love myself.
I have realized that no one can make me happy except myself, and that is precisely what I am focused on doing. I am grateful that I met you because I have learned valuable lessons. If I did not meet you and have all those life altering experiences, I might have never discovered my real self and my worth. I am now stronger, more confident, and look forward to a future of possibilities now more than ever!
Thank you Ron,
Anne
