Choosing a partner that we want to spend the rest of our lives with is a critical choice that can have permanent consequences – good or bad. To create a harmonious union, it’s a good idea to accept the decision spiritually, using your mind and heart.
The following are some tips that may help do so:
1. Love Yourself
Yes, I know friends say this whenever we meet them, but what does it mean? In dating, it means understanding that you deserve to have a respectful, loving, and healthy bond that fits your needs. When you love yourself, you are caring, kind and honest with yourself and you easily stretch that vibe to others. In reality, you need to be the person that you would like to date, and that is what you will pull. When you love yourself, you do not accept overly critical and negative, abusive, or disrespectful partners.
2. Alleviate Hurts
When we hide the bad things that happen to us, it makes us question our worth. Know that you are more than what you have faced. You may not manage what happens to you, but you do control your response to it. And you can decide to love yourself regardless. When we are in intimate romantic relationships, they act as mirrors to our souls. If there is something hurtful within you, it will rear its nasty head, causing you to act out or retract when your buttons are pushed. The healthy thing to do is heal before you bring that adverse energy into your relationship. If you feel stuck, don’t be scared to get some therapy or work with a life coach; it will be quite worth it in the long run.
3. Know Yourself
What are you? What way have you behaved in your previous relationships? What patterns have you picked up from your parents’ relationship? Are there ways that you say one thing and do something else? What type of life do you picture? What are some things that make your heart dance? What inspires you? If you have a hard time answering these questions, spending quality time with yourself could be very healthy.
4. Be Passionate and Independent
A healthy bond consists of a balance of independence and dependence between the lovers. Only by knowing that you can depend on yourself can you rely on another person with honor. And while you are taking care of yourself, follow your cravings. When you do things that make you feel glad to be alive, you open yourself up to setting up a flow that lets your true self shine through. As you extend your horizons by doing things that you love, you might meet that apple of your eye while doing so, and already have something life-affirming in common.
5. Do Not over adjust
There is a difference between compromising and over adjusting. Since you have already made your list, you focus on those things that you must have in a partner. Choosing a mate who does not meet all of your must-haves is settling. The soul wants what it wants and will continue to enjoy those things, and you will set yourself up for dilemmas later. You can compromise on things that aren’t must-haves.
6. Engage in honest and open communication
There are many ways to interact in a relationship, some that will kill it (passive aggression, guilt-tripping, the silent treatment and using hateful or unkind words) and others that will nurture it: honest and open communication. Miscommunications and misunderstanding are the leading causes of most struggles in relationships. Don’t assume what a partner is thinking and don’t have silly expectations based on what you think they should be considering. Often, we engage in generalizations about groups of individuals, i.e., all men are dogs; all women want that, and try to plan and act upon these generalizations as we love. However, your potential mate is not a generalization, they are an individual, and the only way you will understand what they are thinking is to talk. The only way that someone will know what you are feeling is if you tell them. The only way a person can understand what your expectations are is if you talk to them.
7. Don’t Ignore Red Flags
Sometimes we date individuals and overlook the warning signs that something is just not right. We sense that something is wrong but remove our concerns. If you have signs that things may not be quite right, you might want to ask yourself: Is there something about this partnership that makes me feel uncomfortable? Do this person’s claims match their actions? If your gut tells you that something is incorrect, listen to it. If things don’t add up, pay attention. The goal is to be comfortable happy around your mate. Things should make sense and feel right.
8. Do Not Try to Change him/her
Humans only change when they want to. You set yourself up for conflict and heartache when you try to change someone. I know many women date for potential and then end up putting needless pressure on the man to be something that she wants that he might not certainly want for himself. You can help someone to be a better person or go in a specific direction, but only if they need that for themselves. If you are dating someone and cannot accept them as they are now, do both of you a favor and move on.
Your life-long bond should be an everlasting beginning of joy, a place you go to unwind and rejuvenate. It should be a place that brings out the best in you and your mate. Ultimately, you have to understand that you can get what you want. For this method to work, you must believe that someone is out there who meets every condition that you have. So when you meet this individual, you already distance ahead in building a lasting relationship and appreciating what you have, because you have who and what you want. When you choose well on the front end, it helps you on the back end.
You won’t have to work as smart to come to a meeting of the minds, because you are already very compatible. When you have issues, the relationship’s work becomes maintaining your bond by using honest and open communication to reach a bargain. When you pick well, you can work together and encourage each other against the impending valleys of life rather than working against one another to get past insecurities, broken hurts, or incompatibility. When you use your mind and heart to choose a partner on a spiritual basis – a shared vision about your bond, shared values, and how your relationship fits into what the future would have for you – extraordinary things can happen in your life. You will become a better individual. You can have a strong, beautiful relationship that surpasses your craziest dreams.