Whether it’s a bond with office colleagues or a more informal connection with a spouse and children, a relationship is never stable.
Quarrels, disputes and cruel silences can damage relationships.
Every bond, no matter how intimate or casual, has a ‘honeymoon’ phase. But once that ends, we move into the ‘time to make it work’ frame, and this is when disputes can crop up. So how can you make sure that you don’t break the relationship between you?
There are five common mistakes that people make in their relationships.
- The first and last words: Instead of hearing your partner and understanding how strongly they feel, you keep on speaking over them. The ‘shut up, I’m talking’ way of speech only intensifies arguments. Just let your partner or friend speak, get their word across, listen to what they are saying, and realize why it is essential. Then you have your opportunity to respond and say what you want to say. You don’t lose because you let them speak; you lose when you don’t listen to what they are saying.
- Think before you speak: When you say something without giving it a thought, it usually comes out wrong and in a way that you wish you could take back. So, before you speak anything, please stop and think about what you want to say and the best way to avoid harming the other person.
- Calling out other person’s mistakes: When you continuously criticize someone, they become defensive. After all, do you like being reprimanded? Don’t you find that it gets your back up? Rather than pointing out all their imperfections and faults, try to remember why you loved them in the first place, look at what they do that you appreciate and value their good qualities. You can get so much more with a few good words than with a whole lot of criticism. Oh Ron, I wished you read this two years ago
- Failing to recognize your mistake: Oh, Ron… It can be very frustrating for others when we refuse to admit or acknowledge our own blunders and instead try to criticize the other person or act as if we have no flaws. Accepting and recognizing our own fault can go a long way in maintaining a healthy relationship. After all, no-one is perfect.
- Jumping to Conclusions (If this were an Olympic sport, give Ron a gold): Don’t think you know what they’re thinking, you don’t have the gift of mind-reading – so, ask them. You will learn more about them, what makes them tick and what’s important to them, which can only improve your relationship.
If you improve the way that you communicate, you will find that others will transform the way they react to you – and that can have significant advantages in all your relationships.