Boundaries and self-esteem appear to go hand in hand. Clients with a powerful sense of themselves and healthy self-esteem have a more honest time setting and enforcing their borders. When clients struggle with boundaries, very frequently they are coping with their sense of value. Once they start setting and executing their boundaries, self-esteem starts to rise. Additionally, when they admire themselves, their time, and their struggles, they won’t let others walk all over them. It’s not about being rude, ungrateful, or walking all over others. It’s caring for yourself enough to say “enough” when required.
Over the years of working with clients, hurdles with boundaries seem to fall into 3 main categories:
Tough discussions when needing to set or enforce boundaries
Have you ever required to set a boundary with someone close to you? That can be one of the more pressing things for you to do. Instead of saying what needs to be said do you ignore the subject? When you avoid these tough discussions, irritations and tolerations arise. Unfinished feelings of resentment lead to guilt. This becomes a vicious cycle that can damage relationships and lead to bursts of anger that show up at inappropriate times. This further creates a design of not dealing healthfully with disputes at the time they need to be handled further straining relationships.
Boundaries with time
The word “No” has become a bad rap! Contrary to what many people believe, saying no is not turbulent; it doesn’t mean you aren’t a team player; or that you are being selfish. Sometimes telling someone no is the best thing to do for them!
Consciously choose what it is you say yes to. Will saying yes allow you to acknowledge your values, utilize your power or natural abilities, or align with your goals? Or do you say yes and add more to your plate because you feel guilty or that you should say yes? Saying yes to the wrong things also generates resentment, anger, frustration, and the feeling you’re being used.
Boundaries with constant complainers
Have you ever had someone in your life that seems to do nothing but invariably complain whenever you are together or talk? This can be an enormous energy drainer. Additionally, the negative talk can be deadly. Very often the issue has nothing to do with you and you aren’t part of the solution, they are just invariably releasing, scattering their negative talk.