Maybe your original thought, when you think of a whiner, is little kids you sometimes see in a park or some other public place complaining because they aren’t growing their way. Or maybe you think of co-workers you strive with who always appear to be crying about something.
Their complaining may be about small or individual things like, “Why can’t we get sufficient coffee?” or “why don’t we have insurance?”. Or maybe the whining is about more pressing business dilemmas like, “if marketing would just build a more reliable plan, we’d all be greater off.”
The fact is that while you may not assert your grievances in a sing-song call, I’ll bet you complain too. Most all of us do. How do I know? Because I consider whining really is an obvious search for the causes of our distress, anger, grief, or obstacles.
As long as we are seeing from outside to ourselves; as long as we are whining – we aren’t giving personally a chance to read or to enhance our position. The only way to receive is to look inwardly to see what our role is, what impact we have, and to discover what we can do to change the circumstances we are facing.
Here are five specific things you can do to help you move past whining and take the actions needed to make you happier, healthier, and more successful.
Three Questions to Ask Yourself
These three topics are separate but ultimately linked. You may move past whining by suggesting just one of them, or it may take challenging yourself each of them (several times) to help you in any given scenario.
- What role did I play in the state? This question is paramount because it implies that we will find our role. Once we know our role we are in a place to make a difference if needed.
- What can I do now? The spot is over (the e-mail already went down). This question gets us centered on the most suitable instant performance or pursuit.
- How can I improve the position next time? This question completes the cycle by urging us to make a difference for the next time – to apply what the problems – and our solutions – have guided us.
Two Things to Stop Doing
Action is the key to changing our perspective and results. The questions above will help you sort out what action you can take to change your situation. The three suggestions below will reinforce your new internal focus on your success.
- Stop accusing. We accuse all kinds of people and things: our administrator, the other staff, our family, our children, the moment of the year, the conditions, the climate or fill-in-the-blank. As long as we are accusing, we are whining. And as long as we are complaining, we are not moving because we aren’t watching for ways to enhance the circumstance.
- Stop assuming “they.” Sure, other people played a part in the issue you face. There may be something that they are doing or did that really hurt you or have an adverse impact on you. Don’t let this confuse the evidence that other people aren’t the only ones who played a part in the circumstances. You did too. They did something and you chose an acknowledgment. Saying (or thinking) “they” is just like pointing your finger in blame – you will forever be waiting on someone else to change or do something conversely.
The message of these procedures is that winners take effort and whiners don’t. While I have written this from the panorama of the things that you can do, you also can use these things as a template to help or train others to move past their grievances and explanations and onto fruitful action.
When we take these steps we empower ourselves to learn, feel more empowered, and be more prolific. In other words, these steps will help us stop complaining and start winning!