Unfortunately there is no magic formula for surviving a break up. However, to find someone you want to spend your life with, you have to move on and plan a realistic time scale to move forward. Dating tips are just that, as everyone is an individual, and what works for one does not work for another. However there are fairly standard steps you can devise to succeed. There is no reason that you have to spend the rest of your life going out on your own, and eating solitary TV dinners.
1. DON’T TAKE IT PERSONALLY
You may have been dropped, but it may not be your fault. You may have a holistic approach to your emotional life, but maybe your date did not.
Even if you accept that the break up is coming, it still hurts, it is traumatic. Age is not a great help here, it is always difficult to accept rejection.
2. WALLOW AND GRIEVE FOR YOUR LOSS
Accept the fact that the first couple of days are the hardest mentally and that once you have survived that you are on a roll to picking yourself up, and dusting yourself and getting back into the fray. If you feel like bawling your eyes out, and eating buckets of cookies, that’s O. K. for a couple of days.
If you need to get help and support from your friends then ask them to help. The most damaging thing that you can do to your self esteem is to go back and contact your ex. That means e- mail, text and telephone, try and let it go. You are trying to pick yourself up to start again, there is no point in going back.
You have to try and bury it with dignity, and whatever you have to do to achieve that, then go for it. If it means moping around, then mope. If it means having a
makeover, then do it.
3. BURY ANY EVIDENCE OF YOUR EX AFTER BREAK UP
Whilst you are feeling annoyed, angry or disgruntled, and let down, destroy any painful reminders of your ex, such as photos. Try not to listen to music that meant something to both of you, it is OK to wallow in your grief, but do not rub salt in an open wound. This does not mean that you will never listen to that music again, you may even speak to your ex again, but give yourself an even money chance to heal now.
4. MAKE A LIST
Where you have taken down the photographs of your ex, replace it with a list. Draw up a list of the things, that really annoyed you about your ex. No I don’t believe you – there has to be something!, if you are thinking he/she was perfect, you are idealizing him. The more humorous this list is the better you will feel, give yourself a laugh even if only through a veil of tears. Part of the pain of being dumped is that it is something that is outside your control, you may accept that the relationship was pear shaped, and maybe you wanted to end it, but a break up means meant someone else did it to you.
You will survive this, focus on the bad things, and try and accept that you perhaps should have wanted out anyway.
There are occasions when you think that everything was hunky dorey, and it comes a bolt out of the blue. That is tougher to accept, but accept it you must.
Strange things happen in life, but there is no way that you can make someone love you. The reasons people fall in love are as diverse as the people who do it, but there is no way you can make someone do so. If you have done this then attempt to learn a valuable lesson, don’t invest time in going down that road in the future.
5. SURVIVE THE FIRST WEEK AFTER THE BREAK UP
Right you have managed the first couple of days and you are now thinking what next. Find the hope levels inside you, underneath the layers we all have different hope levels. When Pandora opened the box, all the evil in the world came out, but left inside the box was hope. It is our ultimate defense that we believe that a situation will get better. If you are struggling to find hope then dig down deeper. Hope stops you wallowing in your own misery, if you need to mope, do it in the early on, and then set a time limit. Wallowing for too long a period of time, makes you feel worse, and reduces your self esteem.
Set realistic time limits to move on as fast as possible. Yes I know it hurts, we all know that because it has happened to every single one of us at sometime or another. If you still have a desperate need to wallow then say to yourself – yes I can every day from say 3.00. P.M. – 3.30 P.M., but focus on getting your head back together in the remaining times of the day. Force yourself to get out although it may be the last thing on the planet that you feel like doing. Try exercising during the week, and see how much better you feel afterwards.
6. PAMPER YOURSELF AFTER A BREAK UP AND BOOST YOUR CONFIDENCE
You have been through the mangle, but don’t let yourself be destroyed. Think about all the things that make you a unique person, as well as the reasons why you deserve to be loved in your own right. Everyone has the right to be loved, so don’t lose the sight of this fact. Have a manicure and a pedicure, go and get some retail therapy and enjoy yourself. Even if you are a guy buy yourself something that you have been wanting for ages. Go on treat yourself. Make yourself feel
important and valued as a person.
7. GET BACK IN THE DATING ARENA AFTER SPENDING SOMETIME POST BREAK UP
After a month your psyche should be starting to heal, think about your gaols, what do you want out of dating, and make it happen.(at least in terms of dates rather than a long term relationship.
8. ENJOY YOURSELF
Don’t start taking dating too seriously, it is meant to be fun not a sophisticated type of torture.