Too often we let our expectations of others take us down a rabbit hole. A rabbit hole of self-righteousness, upset and anger. This is not a good energy because what you put out you will get back. Arghh… it also doesn’t feel good to let these expectations control your life. It will keep you in a constant state of drama, rules and a mindset that just isn’t true. But… I hate to break it to you… you’re getting something out of it. Read today’s article for a little clarity on this and a few tips on how to move through it.
What does it look like to have high expectations of someone?
- Expecting people to respond to your email, text, voice mail within a certain time frame. Who’s rules are those?
- Expecting people to handle a situation in a certain way. Whose rules are those?
- Expecting people to be, do or act in a certain way. Whose rules are those?
You get the gist, and can probably think of many more or how your own expectations fall under these categories.
Expectations are not to be confused with training though. When we train our staff a certain way and they are not following instructions, that is different. I would definitely look at your leaderships style and communication first before making any hasty decisions though.
As a recovering high-expectations-er, here are a few tips that have helped me to let go, and continue too.
Realizing my map of the world is different then everyone else’s AND that everyone’s map of the world is different then everyone else’s. Meaning we all have different beliefs and values, that we are seeing the world through. We do not see the world the same way, and we each have different ways of getting to the same destination. We need to accept that we have different viewpoints and perspectives on how to do things. Your rules may not (and likely aren’t), someone else’s rules.
Curiosity v. judgement.
If we can see our differences with curiosity, instead of deciding someone is good or bad / wrong or right, we will be able to let go on a deeper level. We can also see what fits for us with an open heart and mind, as we hear other people out. Their perspective might even have us shift our own perspective.
Realizing everyone wants to be seen and heard. If we can step into the other person’s shoes for a moment, we can gain a ton of perspective on what might be coming up for them. It allows us to have compassion instead.
LET GO OF THE NEED TO BE RIGHT
This is where we need to dig deep, and look at what we are getting out of needing to be right. What is the positive intention way deep down? You might have to do some digging but it will be worth it, so that you cane make sure your positive intention is honoured in a different, more healthy way.